Goodbye: A Story Of War
by The Notorious Cat
Summary: ...COMPLETE....Slightly AU..NS..They say you never really know what you have until it's gone. But what if what you first believed gone, is coming back? Would you have the courage to take up your second chance and realize what you had?
1. Goodbye To You

To all our service men and women and their families; God bless you and keep you safe. Never doubt how much you are appreciated and loved.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sara unlocked the door and trudged slowly into her house. Work had been a hectic, stressful, emotional swirl of hell, and because he wasn't here, it only made it worse. He wasn't there to stand by her side during it, to comfort her after it, or to prepare her for the next day of it. Sometimes she cried for him, sometimes she would scream at him, even though he wasn't there. But mostly, she'd write him letters.

She picked up the newspaper sitting on the kitchen table and nearly had a heart attack. She felt her breath catch in her throat as she slid into a nearby chair and read the headline; **2 Days, 20 Dead. **Sara felt tears come to her eyes but forcibly wiped then away as she tried to read the article.

"In the past two days, the death count in Iraq and its surrounding area has climbed rapidly. On the first day, six men were killed, followed by fourteen the next day. Families in northern and central Ohio mourn the loss of their sons, brothers, husbands, and fathers. The battalion attacked on these two days was based out of Ohio….."

Slowly, Sara started to breathe again. _Based out of Ohio, based out of Ohio…it's all right, he's okay…but God, so much killing…I wish he was right here…_

As Sara thought of how far away Nick was from her now, the tears came again. Nick was halfway across the world, ordered into central Iraq. Right in the danger zone.

He could die. That's all she thought about the day he told her he had signed up for the Marines. His grandfather, his father, they had both gone to their respective wars, and now it was time for him to go. She sobbed uncontrollably into his shoulder that day; she had no idea for how long.

But she had stood emotionless as she and the rest of the original nightshift saw him off onto the plane. Catherine had cried, Greg and Warrick's eyes were incredibly red, and even Grissom had a stray tear crawling down his cheek. Nick had hugged each one before he finally came to Sara. Her face was blank, but she knew her eyes gave her away when he reached out to touch her cheek. He slowly caressed it once until she collapsed and fell into him, crying into his neck. He held her for a long moment, kissed the top of her head until her crying stopped.

"Bye, Sar…" he whispered in her ear before turning, picking up his bags, and heading off. He turned to look back at them once, waving with a smile as tears streamed down his face, before he kept going, walking onto the plane without a second glance.

Sara never told him she loved him.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Lying in bed now, Sara wished more than anything she could feel him next to her. What she wouldn't give to slide her hand across the cool, crisp sheets and accidentally brush against his chest. She hugged her pillow tight as she read the letter he had sent her a few weeks ago for the millionth and a half time.

_Sar – _

_Wow. This week has been incredibly hard and emotional for me. There has been an increased amount of fighting; resistance to the new government is spreading like wildfire and it's all we can do to fight it, not to mention lessen it. _

_I cannot believe I've been gone a year. Thanksgiving is next month, and Christmas just around the corner after that. I miss home. Huh…while it's true I miss my family in Texas, when I think of home out here, I think of Vegas. They say home is where the heart is; I guess my heart follows me around. But that can't be true…it's in Vegas now, and I don't think it's going anywhere._

_I miss you guys incredibly. Despite all that happens, at the end of the day, I come back and look at that photo album you gave me before I left. The one of us on the cover is my favorite, I'm glad it's the first one I see. It always brings a smile to my face. _

_I got your letter a few moments ago and just had to write back. I read it no less than six times before I pulled out my own paper and pen. I won't be able to write for awhile, and I can't tell you why, so I have to write tonight._

_I'm sorry work sucks. I know how it is, believe me; too bad my irresistible charm isn't there to cheer you up._

_Warrick and Cath are together? FINALLY. It took them long enough, but I knew they'd figure it out eventually. Isn't it funny how sometimes to people love each other so much, and everyone else can see the other loves them except those two people? I'm not sure if that makes sense…but I'm sure you'll understand me. You always do._

_Hmm...I just had a funny idea. I'm sitting outside, getting some fresh air while I write to you. Anyway I'm staring up at the brightest, purest star I've ever seen, and I'm wondering if you're staring at the same one. _

_I hope you are._

_I'll be receiving word in the next two weeks when I'll be returning home. When I see you, face to face, there's something I need to talk to you about._

_I miss you –_

_Nick_

By the time Sara had read the entire letter, she was fast asleep. But the letter rested on her chest; her small effort to make Nick seem as close to her as she could.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Of all the things I believed in_

_I just wanna get it over with_

_Tears form behind my eyes_

_But I do not cry_

_Counting the days that pass me by_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Another day, another dollar. That's what Catherine said nearly everyday when shift was finally over. And yet, money couldn't matter less to Sara anymore. As she clocked out on time that day, Sara couldn't help but chuckle at how Nick would praise her for avoiding overtime.

She unlocked the door to her apartment some fifteen minutes later and plopped down on the couch for some much needed shut eye. Just as she was about to drift fully off into dream land, she heard a familiar _click_. The mail was here.

_Nick…maybe he had written…MAIL!_

Her eyes flew open and she sat upright. Whistling and the sound of footsteps moving away from her doorstep gave her the permission she needed to open the front door and take the mail out of the box in a very rushed motion.

She flicked through bills, advertisements and magazines quickly before sighing.

No letter.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_I've been searching deep down in my soul_

_Words that hearing are starting to get old_

_Feels like I'm starting all over again_

_The last three years are just pretend_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sara sank into the large armchair in the middle off her living room and curl into a fetal-position like ball. Searching through her heart the past few weeks and trying to sort out feelings had led her to one conclusion, and every time she missed him, thought about him, got excited, or sad about anything to do with Nick, or wished he was home, these feelings resurfaced within Sara.

She was in love with him.

Now most people deal with love as if it is something magical; something beautiful. But not Sara. Not when Sara thought about Nick. When she thought about Nick, she just got…

…confused.

She missed Nick. A lot. The thought about him a lot. She got excited when the mail came, depressed when she hadn't heard from him in a while, dreamy about his return, and emotional when she thought about him in any way. And yet, Nick knew none of this. Sara was so sick of thinking about how much she missed him, how excited she was to see him, how much she wanted him home, and that was for one reason and one reason only.

She had never told him that she loved him.

Maybe she had said it as a friend, but not as more, which was what she wanted. Maybe she felt she couldn't tell him over a letter; she wanted to see his reaction right then, and wanted him to hear her voice when she said it. Maybe she was going to wait and surprise him, maybe she would never tell him.

But maybe, just maybe, she was scared. Maybe she felt like it would be a Hank repeat. Maybe, he simply wouldn't feel the same way she did. But what she was most afraid of, what Sara thought would be the most frightening, chancy, least predictable thing in the world, was that he _would_ love her back.

Could someone give her that new start? Free her from the three years that she had been thrashed be bad relationships and pointless adorations? Could he really love her that much? Was there someone that could love her for who she was, for everything that she was?

And so, when it came to the topic of Nick and love, Sara was confused.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_And I said…_

_Good bye to you_

_Goodbye to every thing that I knew_

_You were the one I loved_

_The one thing that I tried to hold onto_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

So Sara decided, at that point in time, that she was not going to think about Nick in any way. She had to let go of her feelings; she knew Nick would never return them. So she was determined to dismiss them.

From now on, she would write to him and read his letters with no thoughts of the world beyond friendship. She had to; for her sake as well as his. Nick was over in Iraq fighting a war, and all she could think about was how bad she felt for herself because she couldn't sort out her feelings. She had to stop. It was killing her inside.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_I still get lost in your eyes_

_And it seems that I can't live a day with out you_

_Closing my eyes_

_And you chase my thoughts away_

_To a place where I am blinded by the light_

_And it's not right _

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

And yet, she still dreamed of his return. No matter how hard she tried, she could just see picture their joyful reunion; she'd pour her soul out to him, and hold him and kiss him and have him assure her that he really was home, completely safe.

Sometimes, she'd sit in the break room and just allow this daydream to wash away the stresses of work. She'd dream not only of his return, but of times they shared before he left, and the life they'd have together in the future.

It was all she could do to keep her feelings in check. Something small like watching the news, reading the paper, hearing Grissom accidentally ask for Nick, or even passing by his locker was tough for her.

Once she'd even found herself unconsciously driving to Nick's instead of going home after work. She sighed as she drove down his street, finally realizing where she was and shaking her head at herself for not turning back.

She'd gotten out of her car that day, walked up to Nick's apartment and let herself right in. She had sat on his couch for hours, hugging his pillow and breathing in his scent. Tears flowed silently down her cheeks as she begged out loud for him to come home, and upon hearing no answer, she would just scream some more.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Good bye to you_

_Goodbye to everything that I knew_

_You were the one I loved_

_The one thing that I tried to hold onto_

_And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time_

_I want what's yours and I want what's mine_

_I want you_

_And I'm not giving up this time_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sara tried to forget about Nick; she truly, truly did. It just seemed to her that, no matter what she did, what she thought about, and how she lived or wanted to live her life, that Nick, regardless of whether he as here or not, was a huge part of it.

Sara brain told her she wanted nothing to do with Nick. It told her to stop obsessing over him; he hadn't given her any indication that he loved her, and she was just going to make a fool of herself if she told him.

But Sara's heart was telling her she wanted everything to do with Nick. She wanted him in so many more ways then one. She wanted to be with him, to date him, to love him, to be loved by him, to live with him, to marry him, to have kids with him, and to grow old with him. She just wanted Nick, and her heart was telling her that if she gave herself and him the chance, it just might happen.

And then her brain would jut in with the simple, obvious, more level-minded thought that Nick didn't love her, and didn't know that she loved him.

It was so hard to want everything and nothing at the same time, but that's what Sara was feeling.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Goodbye to you_

_Goodbye to everything that I knew_

_You were the one that I loved_

_The one thing that I tried to hold onto  
The one thing that I tried to hold onto_

_The one thing that I tried to hold onto_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

As she walked along the strip, a walk she and Nick had taken many times before, Sara knew what she had to do.

She _had_ to give Nick that chance.

She had opened up to Grissom and waited for him for three years plus. She had opened up to Hank, some random guy who ended up breaking her heart. It was the least she could do to tell her best friend she was in love with him, and hope that even if he didn't feel the same way, things could be okay.

She had to give Nick that chance to love her back.

At that moment, Sara let go of all her doubts. All she had known all her life were doubts, and now, she refused to hold onto them any longer.

She smiled as she reached the "End of the Strip; End of the World", a little park a small ways beyond the strip's edge. She sat on a nearby bench and listened to the bustle of the crowd, the flash a gazillion lights, and felt the small space in her heart just knowing some day, Nick _would_ come home, and she _would _tell him her true feelings.

She smiled as she looked through a part in the trees and stared at the brightest star in the sky.

She didn't even have to think twice to _know_ Nick was now watching the exact same one.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_And when the stars fall I will lie awake_

_You're my shooting star_

_- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -_ - - - - - - - -

Author's Note

I hope you've enjoyed the story thus far; I personally feel it is one of my most mature and best writings. Although I have no personal connection to anyone serving in Iraq and have no idea what those who do are feeling as they wait for their loved ones return, I tried to capture the emotions to the best of my knowledge and ability.

This story is, as far as I am aware, one of a few of its kind. I hope it was something different for you to read, while not being _too_ different.

I plan on at least two more chapters.

The Notorious Cat


	2. Goodbye

A/N – Sorry this took so long to get out here, but I didn't have a song to put it to. I spent three days looking on before I found this one. I was so excited I started writing it, and accidentally closed out of the page of where these lyrics were, and so even though I had already copy and pasted these lyrics, I have no idea who this song is by. I just know that it was someone I'd never heard of before.

I know I wrote chapter one in third person, but I didn't think I could truly capture Nick's emotions if I stayed true to that. So I have switched to first person; sorry about that.

Anyway, here goes.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

- Nick's Point Of View -

Life moves slower with out her.

All I know is that without Sara, my day trudges on and on.

I can't go through with this much longer. My life, doubly as hard and strenuous as before, is now seemingly impossible without her in it. It amazes me that I have gotten this far; it has been a year now.

A year since I walked the halls of CSI with her beside me. A year since I felt her eyes on me as I processed a scene, and a year since I could rest my eyes on her as she did the same. A full, whole year since I held her against me before leaving for war.

I've never felt such an emptiness; such a void in my life since we've been apart.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_It takes an awful lot to get me down, but it only took one word from her…goodbye.  
_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Goodbye – the power that word possesses never really struck me until I was forced to stare it straight in the eye. Goodbye is one of the rare words that can be used on multiple levels; of happiness, of sadness, of longing, of bitterness, of nervousness, of acceptance.

But when she said it…when Sara told me goodbye it literally broke my heart. I nearly couldn't get on the plane to go to boot camp for that one miniscule word. It struck me then just how multi-layered goodbye was; how though she and I had traded goodbyes after work on more occasions then I could count, that this time, there was something different. How_ this_ goodbye made me want to run back to her and let her tell me it was alright, she didn't want me to go either.

I could see that in her eyes – in everyone's eyes really. We all longed to wake up from this dream to find our worlds just how we left them, but something about her was different. There was a deeper level of need in her eyes, and I can't understand why.

I held her for a moment; possibly the most incredible moment of my lifetime to date. The feel of her body against mine, the way my hand fit perfectly behind her head, the knowledge that instinctively flew into me that our goodbye would not require many words, only the brief spell of closeness to fill the space that was usually taken by them.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Takes an awful lot to make me cry; it only took one word from her…goodbye._

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I remember turning, walking towards the loading area trying to muster the self-control not to turn back around and see her crying face. But when I heard a muffled sob come from behind me, all the resolve I had mustered in the past seconds fell to pieces.

I turned around, waved once more and tried to smile through the tears I knew were falling. I saw them all once more, glancing over them and turning around before my senses flew from me and I ran back to them- well, to her.

I never told her I loved her.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_What's wrong with me?_

_Why couldn't I see?  
The lonely nights for her would be too long. _

_I'm here - she's gone._

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Finally getting back to the bunkers and taking a shower is something I adore lately. Some of the other guys refer to the bunkers as home, but I never do.

It isn't home without Sara.

I take my scrapbook, toss it onto my top bunk bed and climb up after it. This is my nightly routine – I re-read Sara's latest letter and then flip through the scrapbook.

I flop down on the bed and pull the scrapbook close to me. Smiling as I see the picture on the front cove, I open it and pull out Sara's latest letter.

_Hey Nicky – _

_I sat down this afternoon and flipped on the TV and wondered where you were. Work, quite frankly, sucks lately and I wondered where you were and if you had a sucky day too._

_Ever since you gave me hope of your return, I have been praying every night for it to be soon. It's funny; I've never really prayed for anything until now, nor have I ever really gone to church, and I feel like I'm a little kid asking Santa for a million things even though I know I've been really bad. _

_But I ask anyway, hoping he'll grant my wish- err, prayers that is. _

_Speaking of Santa, the holidays are right around the corner, and you know how those are in Vegas. On the outside, beautiful, yet at CSI, horrendous. And, while I hate to feed your ego, I have to admit, your "irresistible charm" is greatly missed on this side of town._

_Warrick's charms just aren't the same._

_Wait, I almost forgot - it would seem they work on someone – he and Cath are officially seeing each other. Lindsey's pleased, Grissom's pleased, and I don't care what they do with their personal lives, so everyone's happy._

_Oh, Greg says hi. I was going to suffer a slow and painful death by decent coffee deprivation during work hours if I didn't tell you. _

_In short, we all miss you Nick. We love you and want you home safe, and every single person in this lab has all the respect in the word for you and what you are doing. I am amazed by you._

_I miss you – _

_Sara_

I amaze her?

It's funny she says that…she has no idea how she amazes me.

I fold the letter delicately before replacing it in the folder. I stare at the front cover of my scrap book for a moment, tracing the contours of her face on the picture. I wish I was living in this picture right now; it is of Sara and I at a Fourth of July party Catherine threw in her backyard. I had sneaked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist before she realized who I was. Lindsey snapped the picture itself; I had hired her to be part of my plan.

The shot shows both of us, happy together. I couldn't have picked a better picture to put on the cover.

It was exactly one month before I left for training camp. She didn't know yet in this picture, but I had signed up months ago.

When I told her – oh God…when I told her. I can't help but hate myself for the pain I put her through. She hated me, I know she did, for not telling her sooner, for not telling her I had even considered the idea of going off to war, for waiting until the last minute and then springing it on her.

For not letting her have an ounce of control. Sara hates not being in control and she was everything but in this situation. I know she was hurt, and my heart just keeps breaking every time I think of it.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Takes an awful lot to make me cry; it only took one word from her…goodbye.  
_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I dream of her. Sara is the only one I dream of. Sometimes I dream of home, of Texas, of Vegas, of the team, of my family, but mostly of Sara.

I love her.

Sometimes, I wonder if she dreams of me too. Okay, actually that is one of the only thoughts constantly on my mind. Does she love me?

I tell myself she does. I want to believe that she does so badly; I'm not sure I could make it another day on this Earth if I gave up hope that she would never love me.

Yet…

Somehow, though my heart tells me she does love me, my ever-logical brain isn't so sure. Between Grissom, her four-year obsession, Hank, her crappy-ass boyfriend, the way her job consumes her, and how much of her past I don't know, I can't help but wonder sometimes if it's a worthless cause.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_How can one word cut you so deep?  
And leave you with an ugly scar, cut you like a knife?_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

One single and solitary thought eats away at me every day that I am here.

She doesn't know I love her.

I can't help but awe at myself and my stupidity sometimes. For one, I should have told her before I left. I should have sat her down, told her what I felt, so that this would not be a question in my heart like it is now.

Two, I could die. I fully realize that I could never see her again, and yet, I don't tell her. I could call her and tell her, I could write to her and tell her, but no. I don't.

And I don't know why

I just…I think it's because I need to see her, face to face. I need to hold her close, whisper it at the perfect moment, watch her facial expressions, and let her see the truth and depth of my words.

If I write or call, I won't be able to experience any of those things.

So I just can't bring myself to do either.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Takes an awful lot to bring me down, but it only took one word from her…goodbye._

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

But not for long.

I am ready. Ready to find Sara, and tell her exactly what I feel. I pray she loves me back, but if she doesn't, I hope we can remain close friends.

I suppose I just realized life's too damn short not to chase what you love.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Goodbye…_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I'm not scared anymore. What happens, happens.

Soon, I'll see her. She doesn't know yet, but soon she'll be within arms reach.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Goodbye…_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -


	3. Goodbye Girl

A/N –

Wow….gumdrops rocks!

Ha ha ha enjoy!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

On a plane currently one and a half hours from Vegas filled with fellow troops, Nick Stokes was a happy man. Grinning from ear to ear, he was excited to be returning home from Iraq; to, like most of the boys here, a beautiful girl whom he loved deeply. But unlike most of these guys, the girl he was going to see had absolutely no idea where he was, or how right now, he was speeding towards her...

Heck, Sara didn't even know he loved her.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_All your life you've waited  
For love to come and stay  
And now that I have found you  
I must not slip away_

_  
I know its hard believing  
The words you've heard before  
Darling you must trust them please  
Trust them just once more_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Nick thought since he would be getting home three hours after Sara's shift would be over, that she would either still be at work pulling a double or be sound asleep at home, and she needed her rest. He would tell her he was home tomorrow.

Now Nick wasn't against the idea of finding Sara at work, in fact he knew later, if they were still on friendly terms, she would be angry for prolonging their separation by not finding her. But somehow, Nick needed to see Sara first, and he needed to see her alone. He needed her to know his feelings about her, and he wanted to know her feelings about him…immediately. If he went to the lab, he would be bombarded with everyone – something he knew he just wasn't ready to deal with.

He knew that telling her he loved her would be huge for Sara – a definite life altering discovery for her; for both of them, yes, but mostly for her. He knew she had probably never truly been in love before with anything – between her shitty childhood, her obsession with Grissom, and her brief infatuation with Hank, Nick was fairly sure she'd spent her entire life being unloved.

He was about to change everything she had ever known, and he knew good or bad, neither of their lives would ever be the same.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Cause baby goodbye doesn't mean forever  
Let me tell you goodbye  
Doesn't mean we'll never be together again_

_  
If you wake up and I'm not there  
I won't be long away oh  
And all the things you do my goodbye girl  
Will bring me back to you_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The plane finally landed, and he prepared to say his final goodbyes to the men he come to know so well. They all had family waiting for them at the gate, and Nick knew it would just hurt to have to wait for them to see their families before saying goodbye, so he planned to say it to everyone before they all left the plane.

"Hey guys, this is your Captain speaking. We have successfully landed and are preparing to dock in approximately five minutes. Your families wanted you to know they are anxiously waiting seeing you. Please be patient as we dock, but feel free to turn on your cell phones and make whatever calls you like. On behalf of Continental Airlines, I would like to thank you for serving our country. Welcome home boys, and God bless America."

A cheer rang out throughout the cabin and the men hugged each other firmly. As Nick weaved his way through the small space of the airplane aisle way saying goodbye to each one of his friends, he knew this wouldn't be the last time they spoke.

Goodbyes weren't forever.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_I know you've been taken  
Afraid to hurt again  
You fight the love you feel for me  
Instead of giving in_

_  
But I can wait forever oh  
Helping you to see  
That I was meant for you my love  
And you were meant for me_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A few hours later, Nick finally had been able to claim his things and call for a cab to pick him up. As he sat on a bench waiting for it to come, he let thoughts of Sara drift back into his mind.

He wondered yet again if Sara had ever experienced true love. A horrendous thought suddenly ran though his mind; what if she'd never even had someone tell her they love her?

No. Can't be. Had he ever told her that? Nick didn't think he had, and a heavy wave of regret washed over him.

Most likely, someone had told Sara before that they loved her. Hank maybe, or a foster parent perhaps. But true love? The die-for-you kind? Nick didn't think so. And if Hank or any of her other old boyfriends had told her that to get her into bed, then they surely didn't love her.

It would probably be hard for Sara to understand or believe that Nick loved her as much as he really did; Nick understood this. And he was ready to prove it to her; he was ready to wait, to understand, to be the shoulder she needed to cry on.

He was ready to wait for her, as long as she needed him, he would be there.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Remember goodbye doesn't mean forever  
Let me tell you goodbye  
Doesn't mean we'll never be together again_

_  
Though we may be so far apart  
You still have my heart  
So forget your past my goodbye girl  
Now your home at last... at last_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The cab came and picked Nick up. The driver was nice; he nodded in appreciation and awe to Nick as he helped Nick load his many bags into both the trunk and back of the cab. He was courteous as the chatter died down and Nick was grateful; it gave him time to think, something he desperately needed right now.

The fact that Nick was very close to where Sara was now hitting him very hard. His dose of reality was strong as he realized in less than twenty-four hours he would be telling Sara he loved her.

It had all seemed so fine and dandy as he was in Iraq; he could sit and fantasize about Sara and how she would admit her undying love to him as well. But now, here, he was literally hours away from actually knowing whether or not his life dreams could become realities.

Without doing anything extroadinary, Sara had captured Nick's heart. He chuckled softly as he recalled the famous saying, "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." How true that was for them.

He hoped Sara could muster the courage to give him a chance. Nick had already gone over in his mind one thousand times the unlikeliness of Sara actually accepting the love Nick was about to offer. And he understood why.

Sara was a person based on fact. She wanted every answer to her every question perfect and tied up in a bow, and love is certainly not that way. Maybe that's why she became a CSI, and maybe that was why her past relationships had failed so miserably. But Nick was not going to let that happen.

At long last, he was home, and he was prepared to fight his hardest for the woman he so greatly loved.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Though we maybe so far apart  
You still have my heart  
So forget your past my goodbye girl  
Now your home at last oh  
It doesn't mean forever_

_  
A goodbye doesn't mean we'll never be together oh_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The cab ride remained silent as Nick came within miles of his home. He was beginning to feel that knot of nervousness in the pit of his stomach that he knew wouldn't go away until he saw Sara.

She would be so surprised he was home; for the first time, he wondered what her reaction would be. Good, he hoped. He felt the smile on his face as he thought of how if he saw her happy and excited to see him, it would give him that last little push of courage he needed to tell her the truth.

It seemed like it had been forever since Nick had seen Sara on the day he had left her standing at the airport. They had said goodbye, and though each pretended to say it as if they would see each other the next day, they each knew in their hearts it was fake; an attempt to make the other feel better. They had both been fully aware how long it would truly be until they saw the other again; hell, Nick could have died over there.

But goodbyes were never forever.

Nick knew this, and he knew Sara did not. She had stared at him that day as if she'd never see him again.

But even if he had died, Sara would have seen him again. In the things she did, in the way she lived, in the memories she had. And after she passed on, she would see Nick again; this Nick felt was a fact.

True love never dies.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Goodbye doesn't mean forever  
Please remember goodbye_

Goodbye Goodbye girl

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Nick smiled as the cab pulled onto a street that was only a few away from his own.

Home, he thought.

Home.


	4. No More Goodbyes,I Need You Here With Me

Sara sat, not unusually, at home on the couch watching TV. She was tired, depressed, angry, and in love, and she didn't know which emotion she should attempt to tackle first.

Being Sara, she tried to attack all of the above at once, and that was one of the thousands of reasons she was currently sitting in Nick Stokes house, watching Nick's TV, with her arms wrapped around Nick's pillow.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_It's been a long, long time since I looked into the mirror  
I guess that I was blind  
Now my reflection's getting clearer  
Now that you're gone things will never be the same again  
_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sara was sick of lying to herself; in part, that was why she was so over flooded with emotion right now. She had finally let herself accept that Nick was gone and she was in love with him. She accepted that he had gone to war, she accepted he had signed up and not told her sooner or asked her or come to her about it, and she had also accepted that she had no right in the first place to be angry at him for that.

It was his decision, not hers. She was his friend, that was all, and consequently, she was not meant to be involved in every major decision that took place in his life.

Oh but how badly she wanted to be! How she wished she was the one he came to, the one he needed and wanted and thanked God for at night. How badly she wanted to be his everything…

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_There's not a minute that goes by every hour of every day  
You're such a part of me  
But I just pulled away  
Well, I'm not the same girl   
you used to know  
I wish I said the words I never showed_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sara needed to pull herself together, this she also knew. She had finally resolved to tell Nick what she felt about him, and she couldn't afford to screw that one up. She had to get every emotion in order before he came home.

She had to become a new Sara.

She longed to be a confident, beautiful, independent, strong woman she knew Nick was attracted to. Sara smiled sadly to herself as she realized that she used to be that woman; sometime before her love life, if you could even call it that, began.

Ever since Nick had left, she had felt herself crumble a little more each day, and it hadn't helped in her quest to become the new Sara. He was such a vital part of her life, and she hadn't even noticed until he was gone. Too many nights had she cried after realizing how many times he had reached out to her and she hadn't noticed or cared. Now Sara was ready to make up for that, and all she needed was to tell him she loved him.

To tell him she had always loved him.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_I know you had to go away  
I died just a little, and I feel it now  
You're the one I need  
I believe that I would cry just a little  
Just to have you back now  
Here with me  
Here with me_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

She had come to Nick's house quite a few times in the past month and a half. He had written her six weeks ago telling her that he had heard he might be coming home soon, and would write her if he found out he was. So a spark of hope had arisen within her, but in recent days the spark had lost its glow. He hadn't written at all, and she was worried sick and angry at him at the same time.

Whether or not she would admit it to herself, Sara came to Nick's house to be close to him. Just to sit on his couch and breathe in his scent was almost enough to keep her going through the day.

A few times, Sara had even fallen asleep and slept the entire night there. In his bed or on his couch, she always had a restful night when she did. Never a nightmare.

Ever.

And so she sat there, letting silent tears fall onto his pillow, and buried her face in despair.

What she wouldn't give to have him back.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_You know that silence is loud when all you hear is your heart  
And I wanted so badly just to be a part of something strong and true  
But I was scared and left it all behind_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sara clicked off the TV. It was obnoxious and rude and interrupted her thoughts. She usually only kept it on when the silence of her thoughts became too much to handle and she needed to put it all away for awhile.

Usually she only watched TV when a sappy movie was on or something like that. Something like James Bond, or Pirates of the Caribbean, where all the guy wants to do is rescue the girl and be with her forever. Or a romantic comedy, like 50 First Dates. She wanted to be a character in one of those movies, to be loved so strongly and unconditionally that no one could deny it. To have a love so pure and true that no one on the outside looking in could understand.

But she would sigh and ask herself, would I even know it if an opportunity like that presented itself? Judging by her past relationships, Sara knew she had certainly never experienced love like that before, so was she even capable of understanding it?

Another thing she often pondered was whether or not she would have enough courage to take part in a relationship like that. Sara had put herself out there so many times for so many different guys and they had all disappointed her. Some greater than others, yes, but disappointment all the same.

Doubts so often flooded her confidence when it came to her relationships in general. So she would run. For Sara, running was her quick and easy way out of a relationship, and it had worked thus far. Leave it all behind he would tell herself; all the pain and disappointment aren't worth holding onto.

Run.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_I know you had to go away  
I died just a little, and I feel it now  
You're the one I need  
I believe that I would cry just a little  
Just to have you back now  
Here with me  
Here with me  
_

_And I'm asking  
And I'm wanting you to come back to me  
Please?_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sara wanted Nick home so badly. She knew for a fact she had never wanted anything so bad in her life.

Nick was her life.

"Why don't you get you're ass home so I can tell you this stuff Nick?" she asked aloud to no one in particular. A tear found its way to the pillow on her lap and somehow, she chuckled at herself.

How could she be so angry, happy, and in love with one man yet he knew none of it?

He knew not of the countless nights she spent with only tears and his letters to keep her company. He knew not of the times she called his cell phone or home phone, just to hear his voice on the answering machine. He didn't know the emotional turmoil she'd been through as she cleaned out his locker at CSI so someone else could use it until he returned. He didn't know she had recently taken up praying on a daily basis and trying to get to church once in awhile to pray desperately for his return. He had no idea she had basically put her life on hold as she awaited his return.

All of which, of course, she had done.

"Please Nick? Please come home?" she questioned him again.

She was answered with silence.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_I never will forget that look upon your face  
How you turned away and left without a trace  
But I understand that you did what you had to do  
And I thank you  
_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sara closed her eyes and tried to picture Nick. Whether or not she was rewarded is debatable, for the image that arose was one permanently engrained in her memory. It was his face on the day he left for war. The day he left her behind.

He had held her close, and she had contemplated not letting him go. But she did, and he whispered goodbye to her as silent tears ran down her face. He had walked bravely up the platform, and she couldn't hold back a sob. She muffled it as best she could. Whether he heard her or not remained a mystery to Sara, but she knew for a fact that at that moment, he turned around with a smile and a little wave before disappearing behind a doorway.

Sara understood Nick's decision. Was she angry with it? Sure; she was angry as all hell that he had left her here all alone. But she understood why he had done it. It was what he had felt obligated to do; his father and grandfather had followed the orders their country had given them, and it was only right he do the same. She was even glad for him; glad that he had the courage that she knew she would never have.

But…

Sara didn't exactly know how to explain how it felt to stay behind as Nick went off to war. It was like this aching, searing pain in your heart, and it doesn't go away or fade, ever, until that person comes back. Until Nick came home, Sara knew she would have to endure this gaping hole he had left behind. While others tried to fill their hole temporarily, Sara didn't. Their holes were not nearly as big as hers…she loved him! She could never try to replace him, and she didn't want to.

She just wanted him.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_I know you had to go away  
I died just a little, and I feel it now  
You're the one I need  
I believe that I would cry just a little  
Just to have you back now  
Here with me  
_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sara stood up and went to the kitchen. She stood at the sink, poured herself a glass of water, and drank long and deep. She gulped the cold clear water and leant a shaky hand against the counter. She rinsed out the glass and left it in the sink; she would come back and put it away later.

She pulled a Kleenex out of the box and wiped at her tears and blew her nose. She tossed it away amid a plethora of other Kleenexes in the trash can and made a mental note to empty it before Nick returned.

Feeling a little better, Sara made her way over to the couch again and sat down. Pulling her knees up to her chest for a moment and resting her chin against them. She recapped everything she had been thinking about and going through in the past few weeks and smiled sadly to herself as she realized what a wreck she had become.

She understood everything, she had processed everything, and she had explained everything to herself. Now she just had to confront it and fix it and ready herself for Nick to come home, and everything would be alright.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_I know you had to go away  
I died just a little, and I feel it now  
You're the one I need  
I believe that I would cry just a little  
Just to have you back now  
Here with me_

_Here with me_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sara got up off the couch and picked up her coat. She put it over her arm and she made her way to the front off Nick's apartment. She bent over and slipped on the easy pair of comfortable Birkenstocks she had put on to come over here.

She was momentarily disoriented as she fished in her pockets for her keys. Where were they? She scanned the area around her quickly before spying them on the kitchen counter. She went over picked them up, and was about to leave when –

She realized she had also forgotten her cell phone. She went into the living room and picked it up off the coffee table with a smile.

She made her way back to the front and had her hand on the door handle when –

She jumped back and let out a screech.

Someone was trying to get in from the outside.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Here with me…_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A/N-

OOOOO who could be on the other side? Cliffhanger! I know you were all expecting the highly anticipated Sara – Nick reunion in this chapter, but I couldn't give Nick two personal chapters and Sara only one, when she has more personal stuff anyway!

Sides, the song is perfect.

Oh, sorry, I've been slacking on my disclaimers. The Song in the chapter before this is Goodbye Girl by Hootie and The Blowfish. The song from this chapter is Here With Me, Michelle Branch.

I hope I can promise you the next chapter soon, but we'll see.

3!

The Notorious Cat


	5. Coming Home

A/N -

Song – You're Like Coming Home – Lonestar

Thank you to everyone who reviewed this story! I know I'm not the most reliable writer in terms of posting updates, but I truly hope everyone enjoyed this!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Ridin' restless under broken sky,  
Weary traveler, somethin' missin' inside,  
Always lookin' for a reason to turn around.  
Desperate for a little peace of mind.  
Just a little piece of what I left behind:  
Well, I found it now: you're like coming home._

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sara's breath caught in her throat as someone on the outside struggled with the lock. She couldn't believe it; she just couldn't.

Her shaky hand reached out and unlocked the door. She didn't know if she could do this; Nick couldn't be on the other side. He couldn't. There was no way. But she stopped, took a slow, deep, raggedy breath and opened it. Her bottom lip quivered as it swung open, to reveal a very stunned Nick. She gasped.

And just like that, time froze. Nick and Sara both stopped breathing, stopped thinking, stopped moving, stopped doing everything but staring. Neither could truly believe what they were seeing, and they just froze like that for a good minute and a half. They each just stopped and tried to decipher what toll the past year had taken on the other.

"Sar…" He said as he looked up at her. He was stooped over his bags, and he froze when he saw her, leaning against the door, her bottom lip quivering uncontrollably.

Nick stood up slowly, and each remained rooted to the spot, as if unsure of what to do.

Suddenly Sara let out a stifled sob, and Nick came to his senses. She stood there, all her body weight supported by the door frame, her hand over her mouth and silent tears coursing down her face, about to fall apart.

He stepped inside his apartment and enveloped her in a hug. He didn't ask questions or say anything, nothing. They both held each other close, just trying to grasp the idea that the other truly was there. Sara buried her face in Nick's neck and Nick squeezed her tight around the middle, holding her body right up against his own.

"Nicky…Oh Nicky what are you doing…where have you been…oh I've missed you…Nicky…" Sara managed between gasps and sobs, and Nick whispered sweet nothings into her hair, still trying to let the shock of Sara being inside his house sink in.

"Sara…it's alright now…you're okay…yes I know I'm home…I missed you too, more then you know…" he told her as she cried letting his own tears run silently down onto the top of her head and sometimes dripping off onto Sara's shoulder.

Ten solid minutes was spent between them just standing there, crying and holding each other.

Sara's sobs slowly tapered off, but she still let her head rest against Nick's chest; the feel of his heartbeat and the sound of his slow breathing calmed her and soothed her. She closed her eyes and rocked back and forth gently with Nick, she knew his eyes were closed too.

Slowly, Sara opened her eyes and lifted her head off of Nick's chest. He opened his eyes and focused in on her with a smile. His hand slid up her back before coming to cup her cheek, and she leaned into his touch before placing her own hand on his and intertwining their fingers.

"I missed you so much." Sara was the first to speak, and Nick smiled genuinely beneath his tears.

"Not nearly as much as I missed you, babe." Nick replied. Sara smiled slowly and unsurely at Nick's not-so-subtle use of a pet name. Though she couldn't see well through the constant stream running down her face, Sara managed to take the hand Nick was using to cup her cheek, lace his fingers with hers, and lead him back outside.

"We have to get your bags." She said as they opened the front door again. Nick couldn't keep the grin off his face as he followed her and grabbed his suitcase after she reached for his duffel. They walked back in and Nick shut the door, dropping his bag instantly as he came inside.

It wasn't important.

Sara had walked further into his apartment with the duffel bag, and had her back turned to Nick as she finally set it down. Nick came up silently behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. He felt her tense up at first, but slowly she relaxed and let her head rest against Nick's chest.

"You're home." Sara whispered.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_You're like a Sunday mornin', pleasin' my eyes;  
You're a midsummer's dream under a star-soaked sky.  
That peaceful easy feelin' at the end of a long, long road.  
You're like coming home;  
You're like coming home, all right._

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Nick smiled to himself as he thought of how true that statement was; Sara was in his arms, and he was home. He nodded in response and Sara twisted her head in towards Nick so her forehead pressed against his neck. "I'm not sure I can believe it" she continued.

"I know. I've missed being here." Nick said, and in his heart, he knew being home wasn't the only place he missed being; he had missed being with Sara terribly. They were silent for a few moments before Sara spoke again.

"I've missed you." She said for the fiftieth time. Nick chuckled, and Sara took a baby step back, letting Nick engulf her even further. His arms tightened around her, and she let her arms rest on his.

"I missed you more." Nick whispered as he kissed Sara's forehead.

"I doubt it." Sara said with a shy smile, her tone of voice making it sound as though she had said that without thinking. Nick was slightly taken aback by her honesty for a moment, and squeezed her tight before he spoke.

"Don't." Said Nick, whose voice conveyed he was much surer of himself. They were silent for a few moments more before Sara turned herself around in Nick's arms and faced him with a look of uncertainty on her face. Nick frowned in questioning, and Sara slid her hands up his chest before speaking.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming home? I…I was starting to worry. I mean…I was really scared Nick." Sara's voice trailed off to a dead whisper, and Nick stroked her back soothingly. She avoided his eye, and Nick knew why.

It passed wordlessly between them that Sara had entertained the idea that Nick had possibly been killed in Iraq.

Nick wanted nothing more then to take Sara in his arms and push away all the pain she must have gone through. But he had to answer the question.

"I don't know Sara…" he felt stupid as he said that, "I just…I mean…I-"

"Nick…its ok." Sara interrupted, obviously feeling like she had pushed him into talking about something he didn't want to talk about, and now she felt bad.

"No…that wasn't what I wanted to say. I'm sorry I didn't tell you…I should have but…I couldn't…" Nick tried, attempting to say what he wanted to say without telling Sara flat out that he loved her and wanted to tell her without anyone else around. He closed his eyes for a second and took in a deep breath.

"Sara." He said, and opened his eyes, "I didn't tell you I was coming because I didn't want to come home to a party, or a get together, and I didn't want anyone to know so they wouldn't surprise me with anything like that. I wanted to come home and see you. Not everyone. Just…you."

Sara's eyes filled instantly as she looked at Nick and grasped what she hoped he was actually saying. He stared at her with a comforting smile and she bit her lip in a weak attempt to stop the tears of joy and love that threatened to fall.

Nick felt Sara's hand cup and caress his cheek, and he grinned. His hands slid through her hair, and he massaged her scalp. Sara could feel huge butterflies flying around in her stomach, and her nerves and self-doubts caught up to her before she gave Nick the chance to go any farther. She just wasn't ready to kiss him, or tell him how she truly felt.

"Nick I…" Sara faltered, and Nick smiled genuinely at her. She gave him an insecure half-smile, and Nick thought her facial expression resembled that of an uncertain child. He kissed her forehead slowly, as to not alarm her.

"It's ok." He whispered lovingly, and Sara pulled him into a tight hug. A single sob wracked her body, and Nick held her close. He bit his tongue hard as three little words threatened to escape his lips in an attempt to comfort Sara; this was neither the time nor the place.

Sara didn't sob again after that, and she slowly loosened her grip and backed away, yet refusing to meet Nick's eye. He didn't push her to; this whole situation was raw and exposing for both of them.

Suddenly he felt Sara's head back on his shoulder as she nestled into the crook of his neck.

"Nicky…aren't you tired?" she asked him. He chuckled at her – Apparently she was.

"Yeah…I am." He answered, stroking her hair softly.

"Me too. Let's go to sleep." Sara said simply, and Nick chuckled again.

"Okay. C'mon," he said, taking her by the hand, "you can have my bed."

Sara had started to follow him as he led her down the hallway, but she suddenly stopped dead in her tracks.

"Nick, I am not sleeping in your bed. You are. You just got home." She said, with an expression of obviousness on her face.

"Sar…" Nick insisted, tugging at her hand which was now fully laced in his, "Don't be like this. You look like you need a good nights sleep anyhow."

"I can get a perfectly good night's sleep on your couch."

"Sara, seriously –" Nick attempted to argue before being interrupted.

"You are sleeping in your bed. I am sleeping on the couch. That's final." She said, and Nick knew there was no arguing with her now. He smiled as he realized she was just looking out for him, but still, he wasn't keen on the idea. Sara looked positively exhausted and he wasn't sure how well she'd been taking care of herself lately.

He helped her ready the couch and brought her out a few pillows. He was unsure of how he should say goodnight to her; technically they weren't anything more then friends, but he _felt _something more. And even though he didn't know for sure, he could almost be certain she did as well. At least, he thought she did…Was he reading the signs correctly?

"Nick…" Sara smiled as she touched his arm. Nick blinked and shook his head a little. He must have zoned out for a moment.

"Sorry Sar…I was just thinking." He said, hoping she accepted his story. Sara looked at him with her head tilted to the side. She was trying desperately to fight back a smile, but was loosing. It was that pursed-lipped-Sara-face Nick had grown to miss so much, and he suddenly realized he was stroking her cheek.

Sara stepped towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck. Caught slightly by surprise, Nick faltered for a moment before letting his arms hug around her back tightly.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_Go head an' let your hair fall down.  
This wanderlust: it's gone now.  
I'm here in your arms; I'm safe from the world again.  
These are the days that can't be erased:  
Baby, there isn't a better place;  
You're like heaven: you're like coming home._

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"I can't believe you're home Nicky. It hasn't really hit me yet." Sara murmured. She was telling the truth – after all the fantasies and visions and daydreams she had had about this moment, the fact that it was happening wasn't really registering in her brain.

She was using up all of her self-control as she bit back telling Nick how ecstatic she truly was about him being home, or skipping the talking all together and just leaning in and kissing him. She smiled as she envisioned what his reaction might be.

Maybe he would kiss her back.

She nestled her face into Nick's neck, breathing in the unique scent that only belonged to him. How she had missed it! She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply, letting herself succumb to the sleep that was willing to take over her body as she stood.

"C'mon Sar…" Nick whispered. She could feel his hot breath swirling in her ear as his head rested on hers. She groaned and he chuckled.

Slowly, she lifted her head and stared at him. The content, happy look in his eyes sent a warm feeling throughout her body, and she smiled softly.

"I'm so glad you're home safe. Not knowing where you were…it was lonely." She said, but looked away as she admitted it. A moment later she could feel Nick taking her hand and intertwining their fingers. She finally looked up as she felt his lips on her knuckles, and he stared back at her as he kissed each one. She blushed at his romantic gesture, and he held their hands against his chest, directly above his heart.

"You were never alone." He said, and Sara bit her lip as her eyes filled slowly with tears, "I was always right here." And he moved their hands to Sara's heart. She smiled as two silent tears ran down her face and nodded.

"Yeah…you always were." She whispered, almost so Nick couldn't hear.

Almost.

"You should get some sleep, hon." Nick said, slowly moving his thumb over the back of her hand.

"Yeah, I guess."

Sara locked eyes with Nick and she slowly leaned in to kiss him cheek. She wasn't sure how she was feeling just yet, and truly kissing Nick for the first time was not something she wanted to do five minutes before going to bed and two hours after she had seen him for the first time in a year.

There was too much riding on that kiss, enough that Sara wasn't going to risk it. After their first kiss Sara knew there would be discussion on future plans and tears and smiles no matter what his reaction was, good or bad, and she was already on emotional overload. As she backed away, Nick smiled at her and she knew he understood.

"Goodnight Sar" he said as one hand came to cup her cheek. She smiled, put her had on top of his, pulled it to her lips and kissed it.

"Goodnight." She replied. Nick smiled at her kiss, gave her hand one last squeeze, and turned and walked away down the hall.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_You're like a Sunday mornin', pleasin' my eyes;  
You're a midsummer's dream under a star-soaked sky.  
That peaceful easy feelin' at the end of a long, long road.  
You're like coming home;_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Sara flopped down on the couch as she heard Nick close the door behind him. She crawled under the blanket and pulled it tight against her body; she suddenly felt cold, as if Nick had taken all her strength and heat with him as he left. Nick…she smiled as she thought of him. What exactly _was_ this thing developing between them? Sara didn't know how to ask or answer that question, but she was sure she would be doing both in the near future. She was so overwhelmed – Nick was home! She had tried, but Sara now realized she hadn't even come close in the prediction she made about how much she had missed Nick or how much she loved him.

She had guessed way too low.

Yes, she loved him. She wasn't ready to tell him, and she also wasn't ready to hear it from him, but she did love him. Probably more then she should. But one thing was for sure, she wasn't going to deny it. She felt like she had to give herself the chance to grasp the happiness that was being presented to her instead of letting it slip away like she had so many times before.

She closed her eyes, hoping the next day would come with the strength she needed in order to tell Nick what was on her mind.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The first thing Nick became conscious of was a pair or arms wrapping around his torso. He didn't open his eyes, he didn't make any indication that he felt anything, he just waited. He tried to remember what happened before he went to bed.

He was lying on his back, and he could feel the comfy mattress underneath him and the soft sheets below his fingertips. He was home. A small, warm, and curvy body was sliding into the bed next to him – Sara.

He opened one eye slowly, then the other. Sara had crawled in bed with him, wrapped her arms around him, and laid her head on his chest. Muffled, slightly masked sobs were shaking her small frame and she pulled the covers back over both of them.

Nick's eyes flicked to the clock. He closed them in frustration –she'd only been asleep three hours. He knew Sara hadn't been taking anywhere near good care of herself; she had needed to stay in bed longer. He was worried about her.

His arms enveloped Sara and pulled her closer, their body's right up against each other. As Sara became aware of his awakening for the first time she picked her head up and looked at him. In the dim light, Nick could see her face was red and streaky; she'd been crying. His hand came to cup her cheek and she leaned into it fully.

"Oh Sar, what's wrong? It's okay…it's alright, just tell me baby…" his eyes pleaded with her as she remained quiet.

A few long silent moments passed as Sara closed her eyes and tears continually fell silently as Nick's fingers caressed her cheek.

"I was so afraid…" she finally said in a dead whisper. Two more silent tears slipped down and fell as she opened her eyes again.

"Afraid of what honey?" Nick whispered back soothingly. He hoped his voice sounded as strong and sure as he was trying to make it; she was starting to scare him a little.

"That it was a dream."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_You're that innocence, that serenity,  
That long-lost part of me._

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"That what was a dream?" Nick asked, although he was pretty sure he had a fair idea.

"That you were home." She said. Nick was about to respond when she continued, "That I had actually seen you and hugged you and touched you…I was so scared I was dreaming and that you weren't really here."

Nick pulled Sara up closer to him and hugged her body tight against his. He held her for a long time, just soothing her, reassuring her that he was there. He stroked her damp hair and kissed the side of her head lovingly. She cried lightly for a time before becoming silent, and soon just the sounds of their breathing filled the room.

"I'm sorry Nick. I didn't mean to wake you…I just lost it. I always used to dream of your return, so I guess when I woke up I assumed it couldn't be true. I came in your room…you know…to check…and there you were. I guess I needed to be close to you…I feel complete when I'm close to you Ni-" Sara stopped as Nick turned her head and slowly connected their lips. She kissed him softly, feeling his lips pressed lightly against hers. She broke away and hovered near him without opening her eyes; the feel of his breath on her cheek was too intoxicating. He kissed her cheek, her forehead, her nose, then everywhere in between. Finally, she felt his breath radiating against her lips and she closed the gap without second thought. She let out a whimper as their lips slid sensuously over one another, not demanding or controlling, just full of emotion and unspoken love. When they finally broke apart, Sara lay on Nick's chest and her hands cupped his face.

"Sara I…" Nick started, wanting to explain. He hadn't been able to hold back his feelings anymore; after Sara had said she felt complete when she was close to him he lost it. That was the closest she'd ever been to telling him she loved him, and he couldn't hold back. She didn't look ecstatic about the kiss, and Nick was seriously worried. He knew neither of them could afford a heart break, and since he had initiated the kiss he felt he owed her at least something of an explanation.

"No Nick. Stop." Sara said, and Nick's vision started to get blurry with tears. Didn't she love him? Did she want to be with him, be more then just friends? Had he read everything wrong? He was starting to fear the answers to these questions and panic slowly crept up and settled into the pit of his stomach.

"Nick," Sara said slowly in an unreadable tone, "there's something I have to tell you." Now panic mode was quickly switching to full-fledged freak-out mode in Nick's stomach, and he bit his lip so hard it bled, but it didn't stop the tear from falling. Sara felt it moisten her hands as she continued to cup his face, and her lips softened into a smile. She leaned in and kissed his cheek where the tear had fallen before laying a tender kiss on his lips. Nick responded with fervor, trying desperately to convey his feelings through that kiss because his throat was completely dry. Sara pulled away and smiled shyly at him before her thumb sensuously traced his lips.

"Nicky, I love you."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_You're like a Sunday mornin', pleasin' my eyes;  
A midsummer's dream under a star-soaked sky.  
That peaceful easy feelin' at the end of a long, long road._

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Nick's face broke into a grin. He let out a small laugh of relief and the welled up tears fell with joy. Sara smiled back at him, and with one fluid sweeping motion he captured her lips once again. This time the passion was equal as Nick asked for entrance and Sara readily complied. They slowly explored each others mouths, flirting and loving and connecting with each other. They traded soft, deep, exploratory kisses for a long while before Nick pulled away. He threaded his fingers through Sara's hair and stroked her cheeks.

"I love you too Sara."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_You're like a Sunday mornin', pleasin' my eyes;  
You're a midsummer's dream under a star-soaked sky.  
That peaceful easy feelin' at the end of a long, long road.  
You're like coming home, yeah.  
You're like coming home;  
Baby, like coming home;  
You're like coming home._

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Hours later, after kissing and talking for awhile before sleep finally overtook them, Nick woke up to the pleasant sensation of Sara in his arms. She was already awake, studying the contours of his face. He reached over and cupped her cheek, caressing it softly. She smiled and blushed, and Nick kissed her tenderly.

"I'm home." He said, beaming at Sara. She smiled and traced the deep lines and wrinkles in his face as he grinned, knowing he only smiled like that at her.

"So am I." she said, removing her hand from his face and snuggling back into his neck, "So am I.

A/n (x2) –

You know what's funny? Approximately 800 people have read this story, and only fifty of them review. If you've been one of those people who have read this entire thing and never reviewed once, will you please review for just this last chapter? It doesn't have to be long, and it would make me a happy girl!

Love you all (especially the reviewers!)

The Notorious Cat


End file.
